How does a Husband Deal with the Differences that Occur Between His Mother and His Wife?
by The Albaani Blog
Questioner: I have a mother and she causes problems with my wife, what should I do?
Al-Albaani: I’m thinking about this question [and as to] what my answer should be—I’m not with you such that I can know how it is that you deal with your mother and how she deals with your wife, so that I can [then, based upon that] say in answer to your question that you should do such and such. I don’t know what should be done.
But maybe you can bring to mind Allaah’s Statement عز وجل, “And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, ‘My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.’” [Al-Israa 23-24]
Maybe you interact with your mother the way your Lord has decreed in this aayah?
Questioner: Oh Shaikh …
Al-Albaani: I’m asking you but you’re not answering, maybe you are doing what your Lord has decreed in this aayah?
Questioner: Yes …
Al-Albaani: So then what’s the problem?
Questioner: The problem is that she is ignorant of the legislation and opposes it in my house and with my wife, and when … I’ll give you some examples, O Shaikh …
Al-Albaani: No, we’re not in need of examples. Is she, for example, more misguided than Aazar, [Prophet] Ibrahim’s father?
Questioner: I don’t know that story well, O Shaikh.
Al-Albaani: Don’t you know that Ibrahim عليه السلام was the Khaleel of Ar-Rahmaan, and his father was a polytheist, and in the Quraan it mentions that he would [yet still] always admonish him by saying, “O my father! O my father! O my father!” “O my father! Do not worship the Devil!” [Maryam: 44]. So he was always gentle with him even though he was a polytheist—and no matter how ignorant, as you said, your mother is, she still, inshaa Allaah, is not a polytheist, so it is important that you are gentle in dealing with her, this is from one angle.
On the other hand concerning your wife, is she righteous, inshaa Allaah, and listens to what you say and obeys you?
Questioner: This is the other problem, she is also ignorant of some of the legislation.
Al-Albaani: Then how do you want me to give you an answer to a problem which is sitting between two? The first is to do with your mother and the other is connected to your wife—you find a solution to it according to what the legislation and sound reasoning together dictate.
Al-Hudaa wan-Noor, 437.